I think I might be losing it.?

I hope you don't get offended, but your symptoms seem to be pretty sever. : / I can't tell you what's wrong with you, but I bet a psychiatrist/psychologist would help and benefit you greatly. It did for me. I went 7 years with very very very severe acute depression. I was suicidal all the time (still am 60% of the time), but my psychiatrist made it so much easier to deal with my illness. You would really benefit. And it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be put on medicine either. Seriously, just consider talking to someone. I could put myself in your shoes and I totally understand to not have control. Please help yourself. You don't have to live this way.